I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
