i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
