my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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