This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
