so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
