Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
