Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
