I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
