I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
