I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
