mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
