is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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