I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
