if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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