I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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