AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
