I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
