PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
