hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
