I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
