is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize