I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
