Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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