Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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