Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
