he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
