If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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