So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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