i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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