Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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