I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
