If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
