you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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