I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
