either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
