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I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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