was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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