Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
