Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
