mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
