I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
