is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
