...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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