He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
