Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
