Say something about gay babies.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
