I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
