finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
