I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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