I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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