i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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