I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
