Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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