i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i believe in u and ur pee
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