I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
