I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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