She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
