We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
