I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
