I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
