you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
