My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
