Im at strip club and am horny
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
