You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
