Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
