i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
