So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
