saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize