I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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