sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
