I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
