In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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