I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
