He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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