I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
