its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
