The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
