i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
