You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
