They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
