All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize