There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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