I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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