No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
