I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
