party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
